Author: Ibtissem Beldi
My name is Ibtissem Beldi , I was born in a loving family in Algeria, and the one criteria that decided whether or not you should be a very special child in my family is success, and by success I mean at all levels, studies, carrier, mental success in form of some level of intelligence, and bodily success in form of a fit shape , and who decided these qualities in my family ? mom.
She started believing that I hold all these characteristics of a special kid, so she started treating me as one, praising me, pushing me to the limits , flaming high competitive spirit within me by comparing me to all my friends , and this is where my story with my body started.
I was 13 years old when I started gaining weight, and as I suppose, biologically speaking this was super natural and HUMAN! And I was so happy with it, in fact I didn’t pay attention that this should be a problem in the first place, because all my older brothers and sister used to practicing sport and I assumed at some point I should be going through the same , so she started repeatedly pushing me to work harder in our sport session at school , preventing me from extra food and deserts , and referring to me with some pretty hurtful language when I can’t find my size of pants or dress , like “ awful “ I started playing basketball right away, and with the efforts I did I considerably lost some pounds, but compared to other kids, I was still the biggest one, and in my mind , that was wrong because I already adopted the thinking of comparing myself to others , I felt constantly unhappy with my shape and when I went to college I had to stop playing basketball because I had to focus on college , and exams in general , and at this very period I grew my passion for cooking as everyone in my family congratulated my talent for making all sorts of sweets and deserts in general , I think my big love for sweets and how sinful for me was to approach sweets, made me go around making them instead of just eating them, but again my mom was so fierce , whenever she discovers I made a cake or anything sweet.
My years of college went all wasted “ according to mom” because unlike all other young ladies in my age , I didn’t get the chance to wear trendy jeans or sweaters or beautiful stuff for the lack of shape I was struggling with , but this was not really my problem , I tried, I tried hard , and even with the most honest moments between me and myself , I didn’t find something wrong to confess to myself , I know there are women who used to eat secretly but ask why are they constantly gaining weight? I wasn’t like that , or anything parallel , I wanted genuinely to have a fit body to be able to impress mom , or at least never give her the chance to call me names again.
In July 2015, I had an experience when I threw the towel and said enough was enough , I tried to suicide, and my best friend was my angel , she showed up in the right time to stop me from making this mistake , and she offered help , I was ready to do whatever it takes to change .
I started hard workout sessions, hard diets , and really pushed to the limits , and the whole process paid off within months, I changed and everyone could notice it , yes my body changed for the better , yes I was working so hard to maintain it, yes I was struggling with my cravings, yes I was torturing my body so my mom says” you did it “ or my friends say “ you’re skinnier girl!!” and my answer was “ gaining weight is my biggest fears , I fear going back to where I was , I wish I could never be back to where I was “ and all my focus was on , never going back to where I was.
When I met Karen’s YouTube channel on October 2018 , I was already struggling with yoyo effect of diets and sports , and I was constantly asking myself “ why I never lost weight enough without getting it back? Why do I always give up on myself? What do I need to do so I lose weight in a healthier way?
And as I crossed her video about Hoʻoponopono manifestation (Hoʻoponopono: Manifesting Anything You Want With The Magical Mantra) I directly knew the answer to all my questions , and it was crystal clear , I didn’t deeply want to lose weight to be happy and satisfy myself , I did it to satisfy people, it wasn’t genuine , and most of all I was controlled by fear , and that’s why I gained more weight than ever before, and I hated looking at the mirror because every single time I looked at my reflection I saw a fat lady with fat thighs and arms and in my mind, all I dreamed to have is skinny thighs and lean arms.
With the Hoʻoponopono manifestation process that I started to practice in a calm atmosphere which was my room, the safest place I knew , I started by creating a picture of me , the one I wanted to be and that was my spiritual symbol , I call her Ibel , she’s an elegant lady , very powerful , smart , looking so beautiful , I pictured her wearing a black elegant suit with very chic heels , glamorous makeup and super confident stand , she was my guide , she was there for me , and she told me that I should go back to my younger self and practice mantras with her , so I did , for 21 days I imagined young me, fat me, scared me, alone , sad me , shaken me , I just had to look in her scared eyes and say “ I love you , I am so sorry for torturing you , please forgive me for being so hard on you, thank you so much for always looking up at me, I will never let you down”
For 21 days, every single time I opened my teary eyes, I felt deep down better , lighter , I felt like trapped in the middle of a journey between two forms of ME , Young Me who’s always looking up at Ibel, my spiritual symbol and the more I practiced Hoʻoponopono subliminal with Karen I felt like the knots between my past and future are tighter , and the tighter they get the more confident I become.
Now, as I write these words, I did not lose any pound, but you know what ? I am so happy for two main reasons; the first one is that I LOVE myself, I thank my body for keeping me healthy every single day ,as I look at the mirror I see a chubby super sweet girl , with a beautiful smile and multiple skills , and the second reason is my deep deep confidence that I am on a journey towards becoming the real Ibel .